🗨️ Overcoming Money Stress as a Couple
Couples can do so many powerful things together:
Painting with Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera
Making movies with Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbachl
Doing magic stuff with Claudia Schiffer and David Copperfield
But how to spend money can be a sticking point for all couples.
Look at Bonnie and Clyde. They robbed 15 banks, likely because they didn’t know how to manage their money in a healthy way.
I don’t want any couple to end up like B and C. So today, let’s discuss a first step money talk.
(Not in a couple or a throuple, or a quadruple? This is still right for you.)
When I start working with a couple, what is usually the first thing we talk about?
What to do with saved money, also known as goals.
“Wait, Dylan! Shouldn’t we look at our spending, or start a joint account? What about all the things I want him to stop doing? He buys too many Funko characters!”
Listen, I get it. I also love mass produced vinyl figurines, and talking about all that is important.
But really, here is the secret goal of the first conversation about goals:
To make sure there is a second conversation about money, and a third, and a fourth.
For example: If a TV show is confusing, say like the Golden Girls spin-off called The Golden Place, which did not star Bea Arthuer (but did have a young Don Cheedle), are you going to tune in next week? Probably not because there is no Dorothy. She just did a two-episode guest appearance.
So, as a coach I make sure you are motivated and have a reason to keep building your financial life. You need something to be interested in. You need Dorothy. You need goals. Then you can take on those other big money questions.
But, Dylan, my finances are a mess, isn’t that enough motivation to work on money?
No, fear is a terrible place to start from, and to be honest, I think fear instead makes us just put our head in the sand or maybe just put those student loan bills in the sand.
So, we start with goals because:
You’re usually excited about them. (Vacation, new car, rare funko pop)
You’re building a habit of talking about money.
Your partner may not know your goals, and you may not know theirs. (Wait…you both want the same Baja Plus 6-Person Hot Tub with 34 Jets and Waterfall? Amazing!)
It will motivate you to start saving even more.
Here’s the key ingredient that I’m going to add to your goals. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. (Or, if you’re a tech person, open up a spreadsheet)
You’re going to divide your goals into two areas.
Fun Goals!
Trip to Japan in 2024
New electric car
Little Billy’s birthday party
Xmas travel because you know those tickets to Albany are expensive
Serious Goals!
Rainy day fund (read here)
Medical fund
Retirement (yes, we need to talk about retirement. That’s another blog)
Try to assign a dollar amount to each of your goals.
Will you know the total dollar amount for each? No, the prices of hot tubs fluctuate daily! But this conversation isn’t about knowing everything or solving everything.
This list is called a “vomit draft” (what? gross)
You put everything out there on the paper (or spreadsheet). No deleting, no judging. You list every goal you can think of. Even the items that may seem outlandish can lead to something.
Done! Look at what you have already accomplished!
You’ve had a healthy conversation about money. (See, it’s possible!)
You are moving in the same direction so you know what your next money conversation should be about.
You may even be motivated to start saving more.
What is the next conversation?
You have your goals, now how are you going to get there? Start looking at your current savings and decide which dollar or account is for which specific goal. Every dollar you save should have a goal attached.
Now go find some new fun goals and google The Golden Place!
Do you and your partner need to stop stressing about vacations, retirement, or just the ever expanding daily cost of living? Then let’s set up a coffee and talk about how you can start feeling that each decision about your money feels right and amazing.